Life is

“The purpose of life is to live it, to taste experience to the utmost, to reach out eagerly and without fear for newer and richer experience.”
― Eleanor Roosevelt

Life is a game. Life is a gamble. Life is [insert analogy]. Everyone has their own idea of what life is all about, what the purpose of life is. Some people live life to win, although I’m not entirely sure what they’re trying to win. But hey, to each their own, right? ‘Cause if there was a definitive answer to the question, “What is the purpose of life?”, we’d be lacking the kind of sociocultural diversity that makes us human, interesting, and worth getting to know. As for me, I’m with Ellie Roosevelt here. I think the purpose of life is to simply live it, take things as they come and go for things that you want. Nevertheless, it was just today that I had a revelation about where this kind of an attitude will take me.

Now, growing up, somewhere along the line I formed the impression that when I finally settle down in life, it will be for good, and that something as (seemingly) permanent as marriage would be the end-all. This idea persisted despite my personality, which constitutes a lot of impulsive behavior in pursuit of happiness, and a fear of commitment. I like going with the flow, but how will it hold up against the notion of happiness that I’ve built up in my head? Romantically, will I be able to attain the kind of comfort that I presume comes with marital relationships? If so, what will it take? I’m driven by passion, but passion dies unless you work to keep it alive, and even then it will inevitably diminish. How far will passion take me? Not just romantically, but in a general sense as well. I’m passionate about cybernetics, and it’s the one thing that gets me out of bed every morning and into my classes. It’s the one thing that points me in the direction of the library when I have a test to study for. It’s the one thing that’s not only getting me through university, but also getting me through life at this point, because I’m not sure this kind of passion can be ignited with planning or rationality. I don’t know what I’d be doing right now, or if I’d be happy doing whatever, if I didn’t have this burning desire to do cybernetic research. But that’s what worries me — what will I do once this is over? Once my curiosity is sated and when my passion is rendered directionless, what will I do?

When I realized that having this attitude might not get me my heavily socially influenced fairy tale ending, I could have sworn I stopped breathing for a second. Regardless, a second is all it took for me to recover and accept that something like that just isn’t for me. Now, this doesn’t mean that I am opposed to having the aforementioned lifestyle, the one where I settle down and live a long-lasting married life. It just means that I am okay with the alternatives. I will be okay, no matter what happens. Because I want to live my life and “reach out eagerly and without fear for newer and richer experience”. It won’t be easy, but life isn’t easy. Life is just meant to be lived.